Saturday, July 31, 2010

What am I to do!

So I am perplexed a little about what I am to do... I am going to be taking the biggest adventure of my life (hopefully). I am so excited, nervous, anxious on this possibility.  So out of my excitement of this potential endeavor, I tell people who are close to me, my friends, my family and a few of my favorite customers at the bank I work at.  Then yesterday, my co-worker goes to me and told me, "You better pray you get accepted because if you do not, then you have all this people knowing that you were suppose to do this." This got me thinking, I am extremely nervous and I think about what a let down this will be if I do not get accepted.  I feel very confident in my acceptance, my doctor told me there is no discrepancies that he could see, my asthma is under control, I found out I do not have an allergy to penicillin, and I have my wisdom teeth out.  I believe that my credentials are good with a business background and language.  But what if I am counting on getting in too early? What do I say to people if I do not get accepted?  I actually have kept this under raps from most people still but my goodness, I can not control what someone else says about me, such as my parents who tell everyone they meet on the street.  My co-workers tell there friends and families.  I had to tell them at work because of the medical tests that I needed done.  I try not to think about it too much since I still do have a lot of time until I officially know anything from my medical.  I do always tell others that I am not a shoe in, I still have a huge medical obstacle in my way :(.

I mention this because it has happened to me before, when I was graduating grad school, I was applying to teach english in France.  I was told I was a shoe in by numerous people who have done it.  I lived in France, I spoke French, I had French people as my references, I had an MBA, I taught French, these were all things that I was told on why I would get in.  Well I told everyone on mother earth that I was going to be living in France for a year, that I am going to be there and find a job afterward and live in Paris. Well things blew up in my face 2 weeks before graduation, I received an email of rejection because of a spike in applications, they decided to no longer accept non-education majors.  I was devastated and felt great shame and embarrassment.  I definitely counted my eggs too soon, it destroyed me.  I do not want this to happen again :( not at all.  I do want to get excited though, I want to feel the hope that this will work out for me, but I guess I do have to try to be reserved and say how this is not a guarantee, I could fail my medical, or my nomination time is filled.  At least I do not leave any real announcements on facebook :), I left one on the nomination day that said I may be moving to Africa!!

I hope my medical does not take too long to go over, I am very anxious now!!!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Joshua,

    I'm right there with you in the lurch of no contact with PC. Nominated for health work in sub-Saharan leaving Jan 2011. However, I haven't heard anything since they cleared my teeth in early July.

    I feel your pain, downsizing and moving into a sublet as my lease is up this month. Not to mention budget talks at work, including possible layoffs (other people) with everyone in my agency knowing about my PC nominee status. The doubt is creeping in, but we must keep faith! I be your coworker just said that out of jealousy.

    -Heidi, Seattle (ish) WA

    ReplyDelete